How many arches are there in Iran?

A friend from England just visited. We hung out in coffee shops in Tehran, bargained our way around Isfahan, and were awestruck in Shiraz. She studied art history and archeology and has a penchant for an Islamic arch or two. It made me wonder, how many arches are there in Iran? I doubt I will ever know the answer to my question, but here are some of the ones we saw....

White Palace, Sa'ad Abad, Tehran

Regent's Mosque, Shiraz

Jameh Mosque, Naghseh Jahan, Isfahan

Si o Se Pol, Isfahan

Sa'adi Mausoleum, Shiraz

Jolfaa, Isfahan

Restaurant Sonati, Naghsheh Jahan, Isfahan

3 Months

I have been in Iran 3 months today. I feel it is timely to give myself a 3 month review, like a good boss should give you in a new job (no, I didn’t get one in my last job). Have I set out to do what I wanted? Have I learnt anything at all?

My Farsi is definitely improving. I can speak with a better accent and more fluency. I can use a few idioms here and there, and I can imitate an Isfahani accent (although have to try hard not to speak with one, I’m trying to learn proper Farsi, like the Tehranis speak, innit). My reading and writing is still slow, but it doesn’t make by brain ache like it used to. I can now say the following tongue-twisters:

Ghouri-ye gol ghermez (the teapot with the red flower on it)
Koshtam shepeshe shepesh koshe shesh pa ra ( I killed a louse that killed the six legged louse)

Ladies enjoying the view on Si-o Se Pol, Isfahan

I’ve learnt my way around my father’s city. I know where Jolfa ends and Sichan starts. I know the names of the bridges in town (Pol-e Felezi, Si-o-Se Pol, Pol-e Ferdowsi, Pol-e Khajoo). I am even beginning to fit Tehran together, a big puzzle with pieces from various visits through the years. It makes a lot more sense than it used to, as long as I know where Superstar Burger is I can find my way home.


I've had a few cooking lessons with some Aunties-Khoresht-e Bademjaan (lamb and aubergine stew), Khoresht-e Karafs (lamb and celery stew), Morgh-e Alooche (chicken with prunes) but so far not so much experimentation on my own. Living with and old lady means I am well looked after, as she is always thinking of my belly (I think she tells me to eat something on average about 7 times an hour, unless she is napping, but then it is likely to be the first thing she says when she wakes up), and all of her children are always thinking of hers, so food is either brought over most days, or a feast is cooked up while I am at work.

Ladies playing in the snow in Niavaran Park, Tehran

I’ve learnt what to do if stopped for un-Islamic behavior; ‘be cool man, be cool’. But, I can’t say I have adapted so much that I am sure I will be cool if I am stopped. That’s not true, I was stopped, but they spoke to the guy I was with who immediately said I was his wife when asked what our relationship was, and then they told him to tell me to pull my scarf forward, too much hair showing at the front. I stayed cool throughout, but apparently they were particularly polite. So will see how I react if there is a next time.

I can walk out into 6 lanes of oncoming traffic, erratic drivers behind most wheels, and can manage to get to the other side of the road without breaking a sweat.

I still find trips to the grocers, butchers, tailors, pizzeria, furniture shop, clothes shop, headscarf shop, coffee shop, sock shop, and anyone’s house exciting.

Cleaning up the snow in Tehran

I’ve grown much closer to my family. I can talk to them about things I never could before. I can understand the songs my grandmother sings to herself, and make my own ones up too. I don’t find questions about my parents divorce as frustrating as I used to, because I can explain myself better, and as the family know me better, they also understand my answer. I’ve realized during the short visits over the years I’ve understood people better than I thought, I remain close to the people I’ve always been close too, and there are still ones I don’t have so much to say to. I’ve listened to stories about my great-grandmother, a woman to be reckoned with, and looked at old photos over and over again. I think I have a better picture of how my family saw me and my sister all these years, we were the strangers, of course accepted with familial hospitality, but nonetheless we were gharib (distant). For us they are pretty much all the family we have ( 50 on this side, and only 2 on the other).

It only takes me two go’s to get my maghneh on for work in the morning, it used to take me 3 or more. My headscarf still falls off every 15 minutes or so, and I’m still not as stylish as most of the girls around me, even after my care package from London.

I’ve been reminded of how ethnocentric my view is. I can’t help but get irritated by the inherent lack of customer service in every transaction I make, or snigger at the disorganization at the beginning of the new term at work, or bristle when I am forced into a disorderly queue, and think ‘this isn’t how we do things where I come from’. These reactions aren’t exclusively reserved for life in Iran, it’s what happens when we travel, but maybe I feel more conscious of them when I am trying to embrace a culture as my own.

Cleaning up the snow in Isfahan

I’ve gotten used to being here without my sister, but still miss her immensely at times. There are moments I want to laugh/ scream/ cry and I know she would immediately understand the reasons why. Right now she is in a bikini on a Brazilian beach and I am in hijab on an Iranian street.

I still don’t think I could drive here, although I kind of want to try (blatantly a really, really bad idea and don’t know who would actually let me behind the wheel, I probably wouldn’t even be able to get out of my alley and on to a main road).

People have a magnificent way of asking a hundred personal questions but then not giving anything about themselves away. I’ve learnt how to politefully decline form answering.

I’ve been reminded again how lucky I am to have a British passport, that I can get on a plane as easily as getting on a bus. I don’t have to think twice about where I want to travel, just in case I am not allowed in. I am not prevented entry to countries because of the politics of my leader, which in no way represents me.

Fancy dessert in Boulevard restaurant, Tehran

I still haven’t decided when I should move to Tehran, if I even should, or if I should stay in Isfahan and come back for another extened stay in Tehran. It takes a while to get into a routine, to settle in, to make friends, which is what I am doing in Isfahan. Tehran doesn’t feel quite so far from home; it is big, bustling, dirty. It is more azaad (free). But did I come to Iran to be in the lap of its modernity? Isfahan is much more traditional, somehow more authentic. Then the Anthropologist in me is appalled that I even think this way; Tehran is still Iran, as authentic as anything I deem ‘preserved’ (don’t get me wrong Isfahan really isn’t so far behind Tehran). But then maybe I have a point; are the things I like about Tehran the things that make it like London? Fancy restaurants with menus only in English (clearly means it is very chic), shops with REAL clothes from Europe, REAL shampoo from Europe, REAL chocolate from Europe. Of course, I’ve mainly been exposed to life in North Tehran, sure this doesn’t all ring true in the rest of the city, I guess if I move there I will find out.

Not so fancy breakfast in the park in Isfahan

I still have a long way to go, not that I expect to arrive at a certain point. Sometimes it feels Iran is like an onion and I have to peel through all the crusty layers to get to the part you can use. Or maybe more like an artichoke, the leaves are still tasty (if a bit furry) but the heart is by far the best bit. Maybe this metaphor is completely pointless; onion, artichoke, either way I know Iran is not a banana, it doesn’t open up that easily.

Things I've seen and heard

Conversations I've had and places I've been to over the past few weeks

View of the Zaiandeh Rood (the river running through Isfahan)

In the bank (served by a young woman):

Ah yes, I remember you, you came with your mother to open your account? No, my dad.
So you've come from over there? Do you like Iran? Is it better than your country?
Well yes there are lots of good thing here and lots of bads things, same as in my country.
Ah, do you have a bank account over there?
Yes, but you get a lot more interest on bank accounts here.
Yes you do! 12 %! Ok, so you fathers names please? And how much are you depositing?
(Pause)
Are you married?
No, not yet.
Ah! Well hopefully you will find a good husband here!
Um, yeah, hopefully.

As a guest in an all male English class (ages range from 19-41):

How old are you?
26. Yes, I know what you are going to say, I look younger!
You look 14 years old!
What is your favourite colour?
Blue, Turquoise
Ah.
Ah What? What does it mean?
It means you are very honest.
Have you ever been to Madame Tussaud's?
No.
I think it is very expensive yes?
Yes it is. You know, when you live in a city you tend not to do the touristy things.
Oh yes you are right. Are you married?
No, and I don't want to be!
(Chuckles).
Why not?
Too young!
Can I have you email number?
Do you mean my email address?
He means your email address and your phone number!
No because if you call my house my grandmother with shout at you.
(Chuckles)
Have you ever seen any famous people?
Yes I've seen quite a few.
Like who?
Um, Justin Timberlake.
(Blank faces)
You know Britney Spears' ex- boyfriend. Who is Britney Spears?
Um, the girl who shaved her head? Um, ok Gwen Stefani?
(Blank faces)
Bjork?
(Blank faces)
Pamela Anderson?
(Blank faces)
A room full of boys and none of you have heard of Pamela Anderson?
(Chuckles and more blank faces)
Why do you like Iran, and you can't say because of your family?
Well, it is hard to explain, but when you have come somewhere many times you feel connected to it. Um, I like the food and the architecture. I like that everything is dusty, even though it gets all over your clothes. I hate the driving, but like that it is so busy. I guess I like that none of you have heard of any of the people I just mentioned, why should everywhere be the same? I like that people are so friendly, at least to me. I like that my Aunt goes to the butcher who is the son of the butcher my Granny used to go to, that the Doctor she went to when she was a girl still has an office in the same street and his son practices there too.
(Chuckles)

View from my office window (Maryam Church in Jolfa, Isfahan)

A male work colleague who rarely speaks to me:

So, How long are you planning on staying here?
Until about July.
Very good. Are you married?
No, Are you?
Yes I am, I got married very young, I have a 2 year old daughter. Want to see here picture?
Yes sure.... Ah she's adorable!
Want to come to here birthday party? Would be a pleasure to have you there.
Er, sure.
Are you looking for a husband?
No not really.
Good, make sure you don't marry an Iranian. Go back to your country and marry someone there.
Er, ok. Why?
They will just want to marry you to get out of here. They're no good.
Ok, thanks for the warning.
What is your religion?
Um , I am Muslim.
Well done! Do you where hijab over there?
Um, no.

A family friend (my age):

So do you want to get married?
Yes, I suppose so but not yet.
Do you want to marry an Iranian or a foreigner?
For me it is not that important, just as long as they are a good person.
I think Iranians are better.
Really, Why?
Well, they will really look after you.
How so?
Well, I think it is important to help my future wife around the house, in the kitchen etc. Like I help my mum.
Ah, so obviously looking after the house is her responsibility?
Well, if I am at work then yes.
But what if she works too?
Well then yes, I will help her.
Oh I see.

Si-o-Se Pol (Bridge of 33 Arches) on the Zaindeh Rood, Isfahan

Pedram, 22, a private student I am prepping for his IELTS exam as he is going to University in Birmingham in the autumn:

Seeing as I studied at University in England, shall I tell you what it is like?

Oh yes please do.

Well firstly, have you heard of Fresher's Week?

Sort of.

It is the week you register, get your library card and then there is a fair where all the different clubs have stalls and you can join up. Plus people go out a lot and get very drunk.
Oh, really? Will I have to?

No, only if you want to. But let me warn you, bars and clubs will be full of students drinking heavily. You will see people being sick on the streets, kissing, fighting.. all sorts.

Why doesn't the government do something about this?

Well, it is illegal to drink on the streets I guess.

Ok, what do you think the other students will be like?

It is hard to say, a big mix. You are studying engineering right? In my experience engineering courses always have a lot of foreign students.

Yes, there is a whole group of us going from Iran.

My advice is to make friends with people from other countries too. What is the point of going to another country if you are just going to hang out with people from your own country, right?

Oh yes, I want to make friends with other people. Plus it is the only way I can improve my English.

Good, good. And of course your classes will be mixed. Relationships between boys and girls are very different.

Yes, I know. Here our university classes are mixed, but the Professors do as much as they can to split us up. It is ridiculous. At university they make us all take a course about relationships between men and women, but then the course is single sex!

Kind of defeats the point doesn't it?

Exactly! But then to be honest I don't like talking to girls very much.

Really? Why?

Well I guess I am not that used to it. And a lot of them are very immature.

So would it be easier for you if I was a man?

Yes, I guess it would. But you are different because I can tell you don't think like the girls here.

All kinds of people think in all kinds of different ways. Not all the girls in England think how I do either.

I know. But, let me explain. I had a girlfriend for a couple of months, but the whole thing was just silly.

Why? What happened?

Well after a week she asked me when my family were going to call her family. I didn't know what she meant so I asked my mum. As soon as we started going out I told my whole family. That way if the police stop us and phone our parents, they will already know so we can say we are engaged, as otherwise we are breaking the law. Anyway, I asked my mum and she laughed and said she is asking when you are coming to ask for her hand in marriage. It had only been a week! So I broke up with her.

Fair enough.

Then we started talking again and she apologized and accepted it was maybe a bit soon, so we started going back out. But then any time I suggested going out she said no; we couldn't go to the park because her dad worked nearby, we couldn't go to the river because her uncle worked nearby, we couldn't go shopping because we might see her sister. So there was no point in even being boyfriend and girlfriend. Just to speak on the phone or send text messages. I couldn't be bothered.

I understand.

I mean if she had just told her family in the first place it would have been a lot easier. Instead once we were going out again, after another month she started mentioning engagement again.

If her family isn't as open as yours then I understand why she would be scared of bumping in to them. I agree it was a bit early to talk about marriage, but I've heard a lot of stories like this. From what I understand, you almost need to get engaged so that you can have a proper relationship and then see if you actually want to get married no?

Yeah, it is like that. It's ridiculous.

Ok, well I wouldn't worry to much. You probably won't have these kinds of problems if you get a girlfriend in England. But you never know, they might still want to marry you!

**Did you spot the question that often comes up?**