Assimilation

The day I no longer receive odd, quizzical looks from people in my daily transactions will be a happy one. I can usually get through the little ones- like buying bread or milk, without too many raised eyebrows, but I sit mute in taxis, having been warned hundreds of times that if they realise I am a foreigner they will rip me off! It seems I am an enigma.. if it looks like a duck and sounds like a duck, but I don't sound like a duck, yet. I asked about new exercise classes in the gym, the instructor's face completely contorted and she then asked 'Musalmun?', meaning are you Muslim, and therefore Iranian, and not Christiam and therefore Armenian, which could account for my odd grasp of the language. I replied Musalmun, but then had to go into and explanation so as to categorise myself so she didn't think I was a complete weirdo. In a recent taxi journey I sat mute, simply umming and ahhing as the driver went into a monologue about traffic, road accidents (we saw 2 in a stretch of 50 meters) and how things have got worse. It resulted in a free taxi ride, as the driver turned to me and said 'Can I say something to you? I don't want you to get upset, but you are very pretty. Congratulations to your mother and father' I thanked him and reached into my pocket for money to pay him but he stopped me and said 'This one is on me'. I am quite sure my quietness is what endeared him to me, so maybe it is working in my favour? (An aside on supposed Iranian male creepiness/ sleaziness- was this taxi ride and episode of this? Or was it a demonstration of Iranian generosity as my Ameh claims? The ironic thing is I sat in the front seat to avoid the possibility of being cramped in the back with male passengers who, I have been told, won't miss and opportunity to feel you up. In avoiding one creepy situation had I walked into another? Walking alone in the street everyone stares at you anyway- male, female, young, old- and apart from 'Hey beautiful' and 'Cheer up moody face' (heard that one before!) it doesn't seem any worse than France or Spain. I have been warned that I should steer clear of my boss as he might want to make me his second wife, a new situation to avoid, but seeing as I only go into his office to get books I think it will take quite a while for him to try and woo me)

I recently discovered that blowing your nose in public is extremely rude. How did I NOT know this? I was sat at my desk at work, happily blowing away, when a colleague interrupted and told me it was really rude in Persian culture. 'What, am I supposed to go the loo everytime?' I replied. It seems so. For someone affectionately known as sniffles, this seems both ridiculous and problematic. I've worked with Iranians before and quite sure I must have blown my nose hundreds of times- did not one of them have the heart to tell me? Or had they all been in the UK so long that they'd forgotten what is, in my opinion, a silly, silly notion? And what about my dad, how has he failed to mention this? In fact he positively encouraged nose blowing when I was little and bunged up and for some reason found it difficult. I suppose he does head up the trombone section of the nose blowing symphony, with me on lead trumpet, so perhaps he agrees it is ridiculous. I will have to ask him…

Seems I have a lot to learn still. Even the relationship between ta'rofer and ta'rofee is changing. Ta'rof is a truly Iranian concept- an overly polite relationship between, well everyone, where things are offered and things are declined repeatedly, as a matter of politeness, respect etc. For example, 2 people at a doorway 'Please you first' 'No, no, after you' 'No, no I beg you, please' and so on, until someone bites the bullet and enters. Iranian hospitality is one of a kind, and if you have guests over you must serve them endless rounds of tea, fruit, nuts, cookies, (shireen-y) and repeatedly fill their plates with food at the dinner table, even if they say they don't want anymore. See your guest could be ta'rofing, being polite and saying they are full. Or they could be fit to burst and you are the one ta'rofing by being over generous. My teacher says she thinks these incidents make a lot of people feel really uncomfortable as it almost seems as if your host is watching what you are eating the whole time- swooping in with a plate full of rice when you put your knife and fork down. It seems there is a new ta'rof backlash, especially amongst the young. More and more often I hear people say 'If I want I will help myself and if I don't I won't'. Freedom at last! In my mind it makes for a much more relaxed evening, as the host isn't on tenterhooks waiting for an empty plate to fill and the guest isn't sat wondering 'How many times will I have to say no, I am full thanks, when really I want a second helping of dessert?' There is always the risk that if you insist too much it will back fire and you will miss out on that last round of tea. Wanting to fit in I do tend to ta'rof as much as possible, maybe over compensating for my foreigner status, but pleased to see this new 'ta'rof consciousness' amongst my peers. At least it means when it is just us young folk things can be quite easy-going, and I can leave a party as full or as empty as I wish. Living with an old lady this tradition is still strong, and whether my cousin, who pops round every day, or my Ameh's husband comes over with some chicken he has bought for us, I must immediately stand to attention and ferry plates of fruit, nuts and tea from the kitchen no matter how many times they insist they don't want anything. My granny wouldn't have it any other way for a 'guest'.

A few things for anyone who reads this... I haven't learnt how to put a quote under my photos yet (does anyone known how? please explain) but they should read: Me, looking like a duck; Shireen-y, Fruits and Nuts; Some of the pretty places I have been visiting

Don't know if you have this problem but somtimes I get directed to the Mega Site of Bible Studies when trying to get to my blog, if this happens please go to blogger.com and find me there. I will try and write more often, guess that can be my new year's resolution. I wish I was a better photographer, but regardeless I will include more photos (just takes forever to upload them). And finally I am not used to writing Farsi words in English, so sorry if I butcher them, but do suggest any good spellings.